


scared to let your guard down

by Homosexy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Basketball, Alternate Universe - High School, An Idea I Had, F/F, Its like 8000 words of pure fluff, Jesus Christ it's 17k what the shit, quite silly and light, side octaven - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 03:26:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12099678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Homosexy/pseuds/Homosexy
Summary: Basketball is Lexa's passion and it's Clarke's too. After a memorable clash between their middle school teams, they must work together to play for Polis High.





	scared to let your guard down

**Author's Note:**

> okay firstly I fuckin love basketball and I do play but obviously I'm british so my knowledge of American schools basketball is patchy at best so just... remember that. Also this is supposed to be a bit of fun... idk I just wanted to write a basketball au and I love clexa enjoy it u guys

Lexa Woods was, on the whole, quiet and reserved, despite her intimidating height. Especially with people she didn't know. That is, until anyone mentioned basketball and then suddenly the attitude most people seem to expect from a girl as tall as her, it was all there and more.

She'd always been playing basketball because she'd always been tall. Turns out she loved the sport more than she loved pretty much anything else, besides her little brother Aden, who was bizarrely small but surely due a growth spurt some time soon, looking at the rest of the family. In middle school, Lexa started matches from the day she arrived to the day she left. Her middle school being one of the most prestigious in the area, the main source of players for the powerhouse that was Polis High School, the powerhouse she was going to be representing. In her last year at Trikru Middle School, she captained her team and led them to a 29-1 record, earning a myriad of awards along the way that she didn't really know what to do with, and making her name as one of the best power forwards, if not one of the best players, of her year.

Lexa knew she was good, and that's why that one loss in her final year stood out to her. It was early on, during the group stages. They shouldn't have lost. To make it worse, it was some no-name school that just about managed to cobble together a team that very year (was it Rockets they'd called themselves? No, Flyers, that was it). Naturally, Trikru had expected an easy win- this was a team yet to win a match in their pool, and Trikru were their second last match. They were already eliminated. But Lexa didn't relax. She never did. Good players didn't change their game no matter who they were playing, how many minutes they'd gone, or how far ahead they were.

Their coach had briefed them on the other team- athletic, but by the looks of it a bunch of kids who played other sports primarily and were here to have a bit of fun. Except Number 10 (their jerseys didn't even have names). Number 10 was good enough to be the MVP of any team, including Trikru, their coach told them. But, one player does not a team make. And their team was grossly undersized- Number 10 was the size of a two-guard and she was their second tallest player! Which meant Lexa got her as a defensive assignment since, well, Lexa was the power forward. Not that it mattered. She could foresee this being a rolling subs game, giving the younger players a chance to gain some experience. They'd already had a few. Lexa actually preferred hard-fought victories, since she got to play more. But she'd have to take the minutes she got and simply play her best. As always.

They didn't even have a coach on the bench. Sure, there was some adult there but it was clearly Number 10 doing the coaching. She had a steely look of determination in her blue eyes as she stepped onto the court. Her teammates seemed eerily laser-focused too. Lexa knew this pattern- often times, weaker teams will play their best games against far stronger teams, because nobody is expecting them to win. Number 10 gave Lexa a challenging glare as she stepped into the centre circle: you better take us seriously.

There wasn't any danger of Lexa not doing that.

The ball went up, and Lexa could still remember the moment in perfect slow motion. If she had to name her biggest weakness, it's easily how high she jumps, but she can get off the ground. Plus, she had four, maybe five inches on this girl, which translates to an even greater difference in vertical reach, since Lexa's arms would obviously be longer too. Somehow, with a mixture of incredible game sense to get the timing, and one hell of a jump, Number 10 had claimed the jump ball. Lexa could see her own fingertips being outreached, barely, but definitely, beaten to the ball as the blonde girl expertly tipped it to her teammate.

Number 10 was annoying to mark. She was like a fly Lexa couldn't quite swat, scoring way too close to the basket for Lexa to be happy about, but all of her shots seemed to be just placed where Lexa couldn't quite block them. She at least managed to not foul her once in the first half, which annoyed the girl, if her pointed looks and sometimes words at the refs were anything to go by. At one point, coach switched the matchups to have Lexa on the point guard and their point guard on Number 10, because despite the team's best efforts they could not stop her getting the ball. But this proved even worse: Lexa could handle the point guard, but Number 10 used her size advantage and began posting up, simply scoring even more. And so Lexa was right back on her.

It wasn't that she was making every shot she took against Lexa, but her two point percentage was definitely somewhere in the seventies. On the upside, she was pretty much her team's sole offence. If she wasn't scoring, someone was scoring off an open shot from her pass, off her steal and assist on the fast break (because of course she was a good defender too). The surprise at that end of the court was that the rest of the team did a pretty good job too. This wasn't entirely unheard of: Lexa knew that good defense is more a matter of effort and athleticism than anything else. But the difficulty of movement, of receiving passes was surprising and frustrating.

They entered half time with a five point lead, and ended the third quarter with seven up on the Flyers, who were now breathing hard. Yet somehow, they'd kept up the intensity for pretty much the whole match, including Number 10 who hadn't left the game once. Even Lexa had taken a couple of short stints on the bench by now.

After the first basket of the fourth quarter (Trikru's), Number 10 used her team's last timeout. This bemused Lexa somewhat, but she wasn't going to begrudge the chance to have a rest, or the waste of what could have been a key timeout further down the stretch.

"We are not losing this match!"

The shout was so loud that the referees jumped (which was admittedly amusing). Number 10 cleared her throat, nodded an apology at them, then continued her timeout in a much more usual tone. Lexa was only more fired up. If they wanted to gain eight points on Trikru, they were going to have to claw every single one away.

And that they did. Number 10 if anything seemed to have gained energy as the match went on and her minutes racked up. The intensity was up, she was pushing Lexa's defence harder than anyone had ever pushed Lexa before. Lexa was tired, but her team could not take her off because she was the best shot they had at containing Number 10. That girl really could do it all. Drive to the hoop, pull back for the shot, hit the three, draw the foul. Lexa had given up a three point play to her with around five minutes to go, because what Lexa thought was a sure block turned into a foul thanks to some ridiculous hang time on this girl.

Somehow, amazingly, they did it. The two teams exchanged blows but, with a miracle three from the point guard, Flyers pulled one point ahead with eight seconds to go. Trikru immediately took the time-out. They'd tried every strategy against this team but nothing could slow down Number 10. She was, as the coach had said, a superstar and why Lexa hadn't seen her around before now was a mystery, though she knew she'd be seeing her around from now on. But Lexa was the superstar of her own team. And she was going to win this for them or god help her.

The ball pressure inbounding was formidable. For Number 10 and her team, time must have been passing at snail's pace, but Lexa could feel it running out on her and she wasn't going to let it, or this match, slip away. She ran, took the screen, curl cut and got the ball. Turned- the shot was open and it was so close, maybe five feet, there was no way she'd miss it. Not that she had time to think any of this; her body was simply acting the way she'd trained it to do, working tirelessly to achieve better finishes, better movement, better footwork, better everything. Lexa went up for the shot and fittingly, the match seemed to end how it started for her- in slow motion. She heard a screech of effort. Moving through her field of vision was Number 10, flying through the air, having caught up after the screen, coming through as Lexa took the shot.

_Bam!_

The ball was slammed into the floor. Lexa had been blocked. By a two guard. What was even worse- it had somehow come off her. The other team got the ball with just over a second remaining.

Trikru lost the match, 73-74. It was good for them in the long run. Their final team in the group stage evidently heard about the upset and expected to have a shot, but Trikru had learned and improved. They steamrolled their opponents in what was expected to be an interesting match, 91-30. That loss, in a way, helped them moving forward. They ultimately topped their group and went on to win every other match that season.

But Lexa was never going to forget that loss. It was a stain on an otherwise very good final year of middle school. Admittedly, it had been hard to be that angry as she saw her opponent's reaction. Number 10 sank to the ground, as if suddenly feeling the exhaustion of forty minutes of almost nonstop play, and began to unashamedly cry. Her teammates rushed her with a mixture of excitement and concern. She smiled as they helped her up and tears still streamed down her face as the two teams shook hands. Lexa couldn't meet her eye. She was never going to forget the look on Number 10's face after she blocked her. The intensity and triumph in those bright blue eyes, the determination on her face.

_I won't let you win._

Those same blue eyes. Lexa started as she walked into the gym for her first practice at Polis High. She should have expected a powerhouse school like Polis to notice someone like that girl. But she still had not expected to, almost a year later, be playing on the same team as Number 10. The girl turned her head from where she was shooting free throws and eyed Lexa across the room. Her face echoed the look of slight surprise that was also on Lexa's, but it quickly became a small smile that cut straight to the middle of Lexa's pride and lit a fire of anger inside her chest. She could feel herself glaring in response. Seeing this, Number 10 turned back to her task with a shrug.

"Hey, Lex"  
Lexa turned at the familiar voice.  
"Anya!" It was the girl who'd captained her the first year of middle school and frankly, taught her a lot of very useful lessons. They'd kept in touch, so Lexa had been expecting her. Anya pulled her into a somewhat rough hug  
"That's captain to you. How you doing Lex? Today's a special session, there's only going to be around eight today. Just the surefire players for the upcoming season. The others will get picked from regular training, which starts next week as I'm sure you know"  
"Congrats on the captain, and yeah, I know" Lexa smiled. Her attitude melted away with Anya, who hadn't been afraid to bring a very cocky eleven year old Lexa down several pegs  
"You're early, as expected" Anya remarked, "You and her over there"  
"I played her last year" Lexa said with what she considered an admirable lack of bitterness  
"I know" Anya laughed drily at the venom in Lexa's voice, "I talked to her when she came in and she seems nice. Not that I care, so long as she plays well. Which she will, the level of talent she has is ridiculous. Like scary ridiculous. Even if she isn't the fastest, she's skilled and hella smart" Lexa was startled. Anya did not usually say things like that.  
"And luckily, we have you too" Lexa was even more surprised by this comment, "Because most of our team last year have left now, being seniors, and we're thinner on the ground than usual between my year and the sophomores, which means we'll have to rely on you rookies" she finished with mock disdain  
"Even though we're so ridiculously talented?" Lexa teased  
"Yeah, yeah whatever" Anya waved a hand, "There's one more freshman coming today, a point guard. She just moved to the area, so you won't know her but trust me she's good"  
Lexa did trust Anya. She was one of the only people, besides coaches, who Lexa would listen to about basketball.

Number 10 had finished free throws and was making three pointer after three pointer by the time Octavia Blake walked in the door.  
"Hey" Anya called, "Lexa, this is our current starting point guard, as far as I can see anyway, Octavia Blake. Sophomore. She's a vicious one, but she can probably only reach your waist so you'll be fine"  
"Nice to see you too, Anya" Octavia said, sitting down to get her boots on, "You're Lexa Woods then. I didn't think you'd be so scrawny. Don't worry, I know you're good though" she finished with a grin as she finally dug a pair of entirely black Kobes out of her bag.  
"Octavia are you ever going to buy shoes that contain actual colour?" Anya sighed  
"No" Octavia shrugged. At that moment, another girl, around Octavia's height walked into the gym, with a wide smile set on her face  
"You must be Raven Reyes" Anya said, "Our third and final freshman member of the core, for now at least"  
"'Sup" Raven waved a hand, "Nice to meet you all"  
"I'm Lexa, you too" Lexa responded  
"Octavia" Octavia said from where she was finishing lacing her shoes  
"Ah, so you're my rival" Raven said playfully. Octavia smiled back, but Lexa could see some strain in it. If a member of the core was a freshman, they were going to be good, that much was clear. Octavia clearly didn't feel her position as a starter was entirely secure.

Coach Indra arrived, along with a few other players, around ten minutes before the session was supposed to start. Lexa was determinedly shooting free throws at the opposite end of the court from Number 10. Indra called everyone in  
"Glad to see we have a punctual group this year" she commented, "That will make my life easier and your lives less full of sprints and being shouted at" Anya smiled at this; she knew Lexa hated sprints with a fierce passion  
"I suppose I'd better introduce our freshmen, or let them introduce themselves, you aren't babies after all" She nodded at Lexa  
"Hi, I'm Lexa Woods"  
"Raven Reyes" The girl said, her outlandishly colourful shoes glaring from where she stood next to Octavia  
"Clarke Griffin" The blonde girl, who Lexa finally knew what to call besides Number 10, said. She spoke very seriously when compared to Raven, who seemed suspiciously laid back.  
"Well, now that's out of the way, lets get to this season" Indra sighed, "I'm not going to pretend we have nothing to worry about, because no game is won until the final whistle goes. And we lost a lot of our team in our outgoing seniors. Additionally, we have one player out with a knee injury. Frankly, we're undersized except for you, Lexa" Indra nodded curtly at her, "You're the closest we have to a pure center. I won't ask you to play like a through-and-through five, but just bear that in mind. Anya, I expect you to rebound better this season since you are a forward after all" Lexa remembered Anya's vehement dislike for rebounding drills from playing together at Trikru. Evidently that had not changed if the look on her face was anything to go by  
"Clarke, there's nothing that specific for you. You spent a lot of middle school playing post I understand. Those skills will still be important, but I imagine you've already worked out that won't be your main roll. You'll be more like a two for us"  
Indra then outlined the roles for Octavia and Raven, who were to work as a unit and mostly interchange in and out of games, or occasionally play together when required, and then the rest of the team. It was all as Lexa had expected, besides the appearance of Clarke. She could tell Clarke had grown, in fact by exactly two inches because that's how much Lexa had grown and the difference in height between them was so close to being identical to their last meeting that she could find no difference.

What Lexa had gained in skill, Clarke seemed to have matched in her improvement. She moved a lot better, although her offensive movement wasn't as good as everyone else's. Indra let it go for the mean time, but it was clear to Clarke and everyone else that she had better catch up fast. Lexa felt, with some satisfaction, that it didn't seem like Clarke was jumping quite as high as she used to in comparison to her. She was pleased with the session. She was performing well, as expected, was one of the better players, as expected, and although every time she looked at Clarke there was this violent feeling as she remembered the defiant look and that stupid prideful smile, they were working perfectly well together as teammates. Raven was good to play with too, always on the lookout for a chance to pass it in to her. It was also quite amusing to watch her battle against Octavia's incredibly physical defence. Anya had not been exaggerating and Lexa was impressed by how tough Octavia was making it for her opponent, even if she was also fouling a little too much for comfort. Raven wasn't quite as strong as her counterpart and Lexa could tell she'd never really been challenged this way before. She didn't back down, or even stop smiling. People who smiled while playing were a mystery to Lexa, as she possessed what Aden referred to as "a murder face" while playing. In fairness, she thought, most players probably had that in common. Anya had a murder face almost constantly, Octavia looked pretty scary while on court and Clarke... her face was always serious, but her eyes often gave a challenging stare that made Lexa feel like she was on the receiving end of a defiant smile.

*

Raven took a strong shine to Clarke. She was in general quite friendly, but seemed drawn to Clarke and her skills more than anyone else on the team. Clarke herself was surprised that she'd made a new friend so fast. At the end of the session, Raven exchanged pretty much every social media she possessed with Clarke. She then went on to grab as many of the others as possible, even managing to get Octavia to give away her seldom-spoken instagram name, but Clarke felt pleased someone had gone to her first. It was nice that someone on this team liked her. That wasn't fair- Anya was okay and Octavia seemed alright too. She had hoped that her previous encounter with Lexa might have been a conversation starter, but it was clear the other girl wanted nothing of the sort. At Clarke's tentative, _this-is-awkward-but-I'm-willing-to-forget-it_ smile as she'd walked in the gym, Lexa had glowered bitterly in response. Not that it mattered to Clarke. She was playing again, playing somewhere high level. She loved basketball more than anything else she could think of. As long as Lexa was willing to be a good teammate, which seemed to be the case, Clarke couldn't care less.

Training was hard. She'd started the basketball team at her middle school, gotten permission to found the thing and convinced teachers with papers to grade to do it in the gym because technically they needed adult supervision. She coached the seven others who attended the club, half of whom were members of the volleyball team. The other half did track. Then in her final year there, they'd managed to register their team for competition. It was an abysmal season, with only one win, but she'd gotten to at least play a competitive season. Still, she hadn't been to a "proper" session as such since elementary school and while the fitness was no problem for her, it was just getting used to the intensity, following a coach's orders, actually having offensive movements that she needed to follow, learning how to set screens. But she threw herself into it; what else would she do?

Raven quickly became a close friend. Clarke hadn't known what to expect from her. Not as a person- that much was obvious upon meeting her in Clarke's opinion- but as a player. Raven was a point guard through and through. Her sense of where to pass the ball and how to set up scorers was one of the best Clarke had seen at their level. If she had a weakness, she might have been too reluctant to look for her own shot and some of her passes were definitely too creative. Not that Raven couldn't throw that behind the back pass with good accuracy, but sometimes it just wasn't necessary. Clarke often found that she'd be open but not expecting the ball because she just wasn't used to someone passing like that. She'd take some getting used to as a teammate, but Clarke was thankful Raven had picked her out as a friend because they played as well together as they could talk.

Surprisingly, she played well with just about everyone. That was kind of to be expected at a school like Polis, but she'd been surprised that given the girl's apparent hatred of her, Lexa and her were able to play well together almost immediately. Which had been Clarke's main concern. They could feud all they wanted, so long as Lexa was going to play just the same. Although they definitely had too many classes together. The one Clarke was most loathe to share with Lexa was math. She wasn't bad at the subject exactly, but it took her time to fully understand anything. Unlike Lexa, who could rattle off a whole string of complex calculations in five seconds without use of a single piece of paper, and still find time to smugly smile to herself about how she got the answer before Clarke did. From what Clarke had managed to discern, Lexa was pretty good at everything academic. From maths to history to english lit, the girl seemed to be impervious to weakness and it was small comfort for Clarke that she held that one insignificant middle school victory over her.

"You'd think she had to be bad at something" Clarke groaned  
"I see we're not getting at all competitive here" Raven remarked  
"What would you do if you got glared down by someone every time they saw you? She's my rival now, it's the rules"  
"Fair point" Raven conceded, "I'll tell you what she is bad at: letting go of grudges"  
Clarke laughed, somewhat uncomfortably. Why did she care so much that this girl didn't like her that she felt she had to get competitive over everything? She'd say it wasn't like her... except everything Clarke did was competitive. Unlike Raven, who seemed to switch it off when she left the court, Clarke was always striving to win. To be better than her opponent.

And hell did she hate it.

Basketball had always been about fun for her. Her mother was no sport lover, but her dad had been a huge basketball fan. It was perhaps his greatest passion and even at a young age Clarke could tell he was still sad about having to give it up due to his knee problems. His enthusiasm had passed down to her. She got special permission to stay up on school nights and watch some of the later NBA games with him and he'd tell her who his favourite players were and why. Clarke would listen and drink it all in. They watched the women's game too, though there were less matches broadcast. Clarke's mom would appear at the doorway sometimes, watching her husband and daughter fondly as they chattered excitedly about the game. She'd watch it with them too sometimes, often asking Clarke questions she knew the answers to because her daughter was just bursting to talk about the game she loved to anyone. Just like her dad.

He'd taught Clarke how to play. The court was the place they shared together, time he gave just to her. It was Clarke's favourite place. At her elementary school games, her mother would watch quietly but proudly, while her father always gave her a huge grin from the sidelines. That smile made Clarke feel like she could do anything. Whether it was talent, or her love for the game that translated into hard work, that feeling didn't seem to be so far from the truth.

The court was their place. It still was their place and Clarke still loved it more than anything. She'd tried to keep playing, after he died, but her mother couldn't bear to come to matches any more. Which Clarke understood; she wasn't angry with her mom for that. But suddenly Clarke couldn't bear to be in the place she loved most either, because it reminded her of her father, who was gone. Without basketball, Clarke's last year of elementary school became a downward spiral that never really ended until she picked herself back up a year later and began to start shooting in her back yard again. Just shooting, every day. Something repetitive, a routine to distract her from everything else going on around her, where a big, father-shaped hole stood out everywhere she looked.

Eventually, she began to play again. How could she resist, now that she was shooting every day? In her final year of middle school, Clarke finally stepped back onto the court for a real match. It was still their place. It was stupid and sentimental, but every time she stepped on court she felt like some part of her dad was with her. She didn't know how she could ever have given this up, but she wasn't going to again.

_Watch me win._

*

Anya was concerned. Well, not exactly, not just yet. Her team was playing well, but one of the things that had really made last year's team was the attitude of the group. "Team spirit" was a phrase that she could frankly do without hearing again in her life, but it was that sense of everyone looking out for each other, that unity, that really drove last year's team to as successful a season as they'd had. This year they had a good group of players and the weaknesses were manageable, if she could get Clarke to stop arguing with every single foul call. But it was obvious that Lexa harboured some animosity towards Clarke, which Anya could understand... but couldn't she just grow up? Clarke hadn't seemed to react badly to Lexa until Lexa made the first glare. Then there was another problem, which was small for now, but she could foresee it growing bigger. The fact was, there was very little to choose between Raven and Octavia. Raven was a better playmaker with a tendency to make one too many crazy passes every now and again. Octavia was a better scorer who fouled too often. Ultimately, they would be sharing minutes pretty evenly. But Octavia was proud of her starting spot because she really worked hard for it. If she lost it, Anya could see the relationship between her and Raven deteriorating pretty fast, not to mention her self-esteem. Typical, her problems were with her best players. The rest of the team were fine, she had almost no reasonable complaints (of course they were a bit undersized, but she couldn't very well order people to grow).

Honestly, it was like having four unruly children. Anya had not planned to sign up for motherhood at pretty much any point in her lifetime, let alone high school.

"Can't you try and get along with Clarke a bit better? She's actually a nice person you know"  
"She hasn't made any effort to talk to me" Lexa replied  
"Yeah, because you glared her down the second you walked into the gym" Anya sighed, "Maybe deflate that huge pride of yours and give it a go"  
"I'm sorry Anya but I don't see why I have to. We play well together, it's not like we have to be best friends off the court. And it's not my pride that's the problem, she's the one who won't talk to me"  
"Fine, I guess I'll just have to talk to her and see if she's more willing to not act like a giant child" Anya shrugged, "See you later Lex"

"I'd be happy to extend an olive branch if I didn't think she'd burn it immediately" Clarke responded, doodling absentmindedly on a scrap of paper  
"She's got a fair point" Raven added, "The glare on that girl is scary. She's like the terminator. Kind of in a hot way though" she nudged Clarke in the ribs, who frowned at her but said nothing and looked back at Anya, who had decided to entirely ignore Raven's last comment  
"She complained about you not making an effort, and I did point out the glare thing but I thought it was worth a shot asking you, since she's adamant that you won't talk to her either. I don't wanna go all pre-school teacher and start having a team circle time"  
"I'm sorry, but she clearly doesn't want to talk to me" Clarke said, "If she changes her mind, then I'd be happy to at least try and be friends. But I'm not going to try and play nice if she'll just shoot me down"  
Anya sighed and walked away, muttering something about group bonding activities  
"Raven what the hell?" Clarke immediately turned to her friend  
"I'm just saying, from what you've said? Totally your type"  
"Yes, a raging bitch who hates my guts, sounds really dateable Raven"  
"Ah but did you just say she wasn't your type? I don't think so"  
"I hate you"  
"Sure you do"

Okay so Raven was kind of right. Clarke had noticed that from the very first time she encountered Lexa. It might have been part of why she was so fiercely competitive with her. Not only was the girl good at just about everything, she was good looking too. That's just unfairly perfect. That attitude did take some making up for Clarke supposed. She had nothing against Lexa coming into this. Of course that match was important to the both of them for different reasons, and yes it was a far more positive experience for her than it had been for Lexa, but god was Lexa still not over it? It wasn't like she was taunting her. She'd even gone for a friendly smile when they'd seen each other across the gym, and Lexa had glared at her like they were at war. Never mind that even with the venomous look, she was still hot. That just made Clarke even more annoyed and even more determined to outdo her. Of course _if_ Lexa decided to turn over a new leaf she'd give the friendship a shot. But so long as Lexa kept it up, Clarke wasn't backing down.

*

The first match came around surprisingly fast. It was just a friendly, but Polis would be travelling away and staying overnight, since their gym was being used for something or other that was apparently more important than basketball, much to Indra's chagrin. At least the team seemed to be performing. They'd need to, if they wanted to do as well as last year, if not better. She was pushing them just as hard as last year's lot, but she might have to push a bit harder.

The coach journey passed uneventfully. Clarke alternated between chatting with Raven, listening to music and sleeping. Raven was the only team member who seemed overly enthusiastic about playing and staying away, but Clarke thought that might just be her attitude to life in general. She seemed to be the kind of person who'd make the best out of any situation. Lexa ended up sat with Octavia, who was friendly enough, but Lexa didn't feel confident making conversation with her. She mostly listened to music and stared out the window at the passing landscape, wondering how long it would be until they got there. She wasn't a great fan of travelling long distances as she almost always got bored by the end of the journey and needed to get up and stretch her legs. Lexa loved her height: it had given her the opportunity to play basketball, and boys didn't really talk to her since she was taller than them, and they were teenagers with fragile masculinity for the most part. But she did sometimes envy those with smaller legs when sat on buses or planes. She hated the feeling of restriction and the way her legs seemed to resent being kept still more than they did hours of training. She glared enviously at Clarke, who was talking animatedly to Raven, sporting what Lexa considered a rare genuine smile, and clearly not annoyed by the lack of leg room.

"Oh man" Anya groaned, stretching her shoulders as she stepped off the coach  
"You think you've got it bad" Lexa muttered darkly. Nearby, Clarke was rubbing her knees and Octavia looking grumpy and sleepy, while Raven laughed at both of them. Deep down Lexa quite wanted to befriend Raven. She seemed fun to be around, trustworthy and also pretty smart. Unfortunately, she was also one of Clarke's best friends, so Lexa would just have to let it lie. Unless Clarke decided to get off her high horse and actually talk to Lexa, but apparently she couldn't bear to lower herself that much. Not that Lexa cared.

Technically Clarke had spoken to her. Once.  
"You've gotta be more aggressive"  
"What?" Lexa was surprised to hear advice coming from Clarke  
"You've got a big strong body, so really use it. At the moment, _I_ can force you out of the key. Which is fine since you shoot well, but you could get so many more fouls if you were better at using contact. Plus there will be people you can't just shoot over"  
Lexa was pretty much speechless  
"Just a thought. If you want it" Clarke shrugged. Lexa hated how right Clarke was and how clear it was from Clarke's voice that she knew she was right. She searched for a response, but Clarke had already left. Lexa took this as rudeness, but really Clarke just felt embarrassed that she'd said that with no introduction or warning.

Lexa didn't feel that counted as much of a conversation. If all Clarke was going to do was tell her things she already knew were wrong with her game, then Lexa had no interest in talking to her anyway. But it wasn't down to her: Anya had not been joking about group bonding activities.

"It'll be good for you guys" she shrugged, holding the captain's beanie (actually Lexa's, but they needed something to prevent conversation from getting out of hand) that meant she could talk, "Every fibre of my being is resisting this as much as you all are so don't worry, this is a mutually uncomfortable experience"  
"What are we actually doing?" Octavia asked  
"You don't have the captain's beanie" Raven hissed at her in mock scandal  
"Neither do you" Octavia shot back. Anya cleared her throat  
"All you've gotta do is talk about how you got into basketball. That's all I want from you. Not too scarring is it?"  
"I guess not" Octavia conceded  
"I'll start, mine's pretty dull, I just picked it up because it seemed fun" Anya said, before passing the hat to its actual owner.  
"I got pushed towards it in class because I was tall" Lexa shrugged, "And it turns out it's the thing I most enjoy doing. So I'm pretty boring too, actually" She saw Clarke's eyebrow twitch upwards out of the corner of her eye. Of course Clarke thought she was boring. Not that it mattered.  
"Well, when I was about six, a friend of mine used to drag me out to play after school with all her friends" Raven explained, "I didn't want to go the first time, I only went because I liked her"  
"You were six" Octavia interjected  
"So?" Raven shrugged, waving the hat sarcastically at Octavia, who looked entirely ready to debate Raven on the possibilities of having a crush at the age of six, "Either way, I loved it. I played every day, even when she wasn't there, or no kids my age were there and it was me and a bunch of fifth graders. And that's pretty much it"  
Thinking about it, this made sense to Lexa. The street-ball background, playing with kids older than her from a young age, it all fitted Raven's particular brand of play style perfectly.

Most people's stories were similar to Anya's or Lexa's, they just picked it up in school. Octavia mentioned her brother, who'd taught her how to play  
"Until he quit. Probably because I was getting better than him and he couldn't deal with it" Octavia laughed, "He spends more time on his art now"  
Unexpectedly, Clarke spoke up  
"Wait, your brother wouldn't happen to be called Bellamy would he?"  
"Yeah. Guessing you do art club then."  
"Yeah" Clarke said, "I never made the connection for some reason. I mean I knew he has a sister and you have a brother but I just didn't..."  
"We don't look that alike. At least,  
I don't think so"  
Lexa tried to think of who Bellamy Blake was, but no face came to mind, so she couldn't comment. Octavia handed the beanie to Clarke. Lexa almost regretted volunteering her hat for this role now she could see Clarke absentmindedly running her thumb over it as she started to talk. Lexa was protective of all six of her beanies with the sort of fierceness you might expect a mother cat to have around her kittens  
"Well, my dad taught me how to play. He was actually really good when he was younger, but he had to stop playing in high school because of injuries" Clarke said every word while staring at the beanie in her hands, "He never lost his love for the game though. He was always so happy to see me play"  
"Was?" Raven asked without thinking  
"He died when I was in fifth grade. I stopped playing until seventh. That's why I went to such a bad middle school. Nowhere with a good team cared because I wasn't playing any more, plus my mom was on her own and we were kind of struggling. But I eventually started playing again. Put together a competitive team in my last year there. We only won one game but I think it's a game my dad would have been proud to see" Clarke smiled faintly, then, as if realising how much she'd just said, practically threw the hat into Anya's hands, completely missing the girl next to her who'd yet to say anything. Clarke didn't say another word for the rest of the evening, until it was just her and Raven in their room after lights out  
"Are you okay?" Raven asked quietly. Clarke made a noncommittal noise  
"I hope that means yes, because if you play badly tomorrow Anya might have you for lunch"  
"I'll be fine" Clarke laughed softly through the dark.

It all made a lot more sense to Lexa now. Why Clarke had wanted to win that match so badly. Her determination, that shout, the crying. All of it came sharply into focus and with a bite of annoyance, Lexa realised she was feeling sympathy. Losing your dad at that age, just as you're starting to think about changing schools... her whole world would have fallen apart. The one bit Lexa didn't get was why Clarke had stopped playing. If she were to lose Aden, or one of her parents, Lexa knew basketball would be all she had left. It was clear Clarke loved basketball. But then again, the court must hold so many memories of him, in a way Lexa knew she could never understand. Every time Clarke stepped on court, she must remind herself of a world where he was still alive. Lexa didn't know quite what she was feeling when she fell asleep, but it was uncomfortable and she was surprised she could sleep so easily, that the night passed without a single dream that she remembered.

*

Lexa heard someone crying. It couldn't be Anya or Raven since they'd gone already, so all chances of her being able to deal with it had flown out the window. Lexa wasn't actually sure if crying was something Anya did. Thankfully she knew it wasn't Clarke, who had also gone by now. That would have been more nightmarish, and less strange, than the sight before her: Octavia Blake, head in her hands, shaking. Lexa was surprised; they were clearly angry tears, but she hadn't thought Octavia would be a crier. She had an idea what this was about though. They'd just played their fourth match together as a team, and nothing had been any different- except that Raven started, not Octavia. Both players had pretty even minutes and a good contribution, but it was Raven who sat in that starting line up and that made all the difference to Octavia.

Lexa didn't think she could handle this. She needed Anya. She was scared to approach Octavia. She'd seen her angry before, but never in tears and this was a whole new dangerous territory. Still, Lexa stepped forward and cleared her throat to make herself known.  
"Uh... I can leave if you want" Lexa mumbled. It didn't seem like Octavia wanted to be seen right now. But she stayed silent, which Lexa took as an invitation to keep talking  
"Do you... want to talk about it or..." Lexa had no clue what she was doing. The court was her domain; deeply emotional conversations with an acquaintance, more like walking over hot coals  
"I guess you'll understand" Octavia said as though she was forcing the words out of her mouth and forcing herself not to hit something, "You've got a lot of pride"  
Lexa ignored the insult and tentatively took two steps closer, sitting down on the other end of the bench.  
"I just... I'm still playing the same minutes I know, it's fucking stupid but I'm a sophomore and some freshman is starting ahead of me" she punched the lockers with an impressive amount of power, leaving them rattling for some time after. Lexa was glad she had not decided to try and touch Octavia in any way as a gesture of comfort "Well, she's not just _some freshman_ but didn't Anya introduce me as the starting point guard?"  
"I get it, yeah" Lexa took it slowly, measuring every word in her head before she spoke "You've got to have pride in your game. Otherwise what kind of player would you be? But" She added quickly before Octavia started to talk again, "You're still contributing as much to the team whether you start or not. We wouldn't be winning without you. And it's not like you don't know why you aren't starting" Octavia shot her a sharp glare and Lexa momentarily feared for her life, but then Octavia laughed hollowly and looked away  
"You're right. I foul too much. Indra's been really good trying to coach me out of it but I just can't help it. She really believes I can get better but I just keep letting her down"  
"Well, maybe you can, if you work hard. Everyone has weaknesses, right? But if you let yourself get rattled, you probably won't get better as faster" Lexa finished in as casual a tone as she could manage. She was still afraid to go any nearer, but Octavia no longer looked as murderous. She paused, breathed in deeply and then turned to Lexa  
"Thank you"  
"No problem" Lexa replied in a tone that would imply she was asking a question, "Please don't tell me you're going to start some kind of feud with Raven"  
"God no" Octavia laughed for real, "Although I hope you realise how hypocritical that is. Raven's too nice. Well not nice but... I dunno. And I'm more grown up than you, even if my pride is just as enormous"  
"I..."  
"Take it as a compliment, it means you're like me"  
Lexa smiled. It sounded like Octavia was back.

It was beginning to occur to Lexa how little she had known her teammates in middle school. They'd all gone off to other schools, or stopped playing. She didn't keep in contact with any of them. But getting close to Anya and Octavia, even rather slowly Raven, she begrudgingly began to understand something. Maybe it wasn't enough to just play together. Now she understood more about Clarke, it was much harder to carry on being bitter about what was ultimately an inconsequential match for her, but one so important to Clarke. Unfortunately, she'd already done a lot of damage to that relationship, which she'd just have to try and fix.

"Hey"  
"Oh, hi" Raven was the one to reply to her, breaking away from whatever she had been talking to Clarke about  
"How are you?" Lexa said very awkwardly  
"Oh I'm good. Hey, is our math homework due today?"  
"No, Thursday" Lexa replied, noticing how Clarke was very determinedly not joining this conversation, "Hey, what are you drawing?"  
"Oh, nothing in particular yet" Clarke shrugged, without looking up. Lexa would have peered over at the paper, but she felt like that would be invading something very personal. If Clarke didn't want to show her, she wasn't going to try and look.  
"What kind of stuff do you normally draw?"  
"All sorts"  
"Can I-"  
"What do you want?" Clarke finally looked up. Raven shot Lexa a sympathetic look  
"Nothing, I just wanted to say hi" Lexa was starting to squirm. This had not been a good idea, if the look she was receiving from Clarke was anything to go by  
"Well, you've said it haven't you?" It was said very matter-of-factly, Clarke's eyes set once again back on the piece of paper, but Lexa could still feel the coldness in her voice.

She left. Apparently, whatever Anya had said to her before, Clarke was not willing to be friends.

"Jeez Griffin, that was harsh"  
"She was just here to bug me" Clarke said defensively, "You know what she's like with me"  
"I dunno, I feel like the glaring has eased off lately. Maybe she just wanted to rebuild some very burnt bridges "  
" _I_ wanted to be left to my drawing"  
"You were talking to me a second ago. You're just as prideful as she is" Raven sighed  
"Is that a bad thing?" Clarke raised an eyebrow in challenge  
"You'd complain if it was her. Or, maybe," Raven leaned closer over the piece of paper Clarke was drawing on, "You just didn't want her to see what you were drawing. _Nothing in particular_ my ass"  
"Her hair just falls in an interesting way, it's good practice for me" Clarke pulled the paper towards her and glared at Raven, who wasn't completely convinced, but conceded  
"Fine, I'll drop it. I'm sorry"  
"It's okay" Clarke sighed after a pause, "I've been so tetchy lately and I can't figure out why. Don't worry about it Raven"

"You can't say I didn't try" Lexa said to Anya, who was staring at her in apparent surprise  
"I can't believe you finally decide to stop being so standoffish and then suddenly Clarke is acting like a child" Anya rolled her eyes, "You guys are exhausting"  
"You said she was willing to talk to me if I talked to her first"  
"That's what she said before" Anya sighed, "Clearly you've just pissed her off one time too many"  
"So what now?"  
"Well either you leave it, or you keep trying. Just don't make the team chemistry even worse"  
"I doubt I could" Lexa muttered remembering how Clarke had glared daggers at her  
"Well you have mutual friends, given how much time she spends with Raven and Octavia's mysterious sudden liking for you. You'll learn to get along eventually" Anya shrugged, "I really have more important things to worry about right now than your social life"  
"Thanks for the love and support" Lexa replied drily  
"Any time" Anya said, waving to Octavia who just arrived as she was leaving  
"What's been happening?" Octavia asked  
"How do you know anything's happened?" Lexa asked. Octavia seemed to have some sort of sixth sense for drama and Lexa was yet to decide if she envied or feared this ability  
"The look on your face, and the look of resignation on Anya's as she left. She always gets that look when she's done with people being stupid"  
"Thanks Octavia"  
"Don't take it personally" Octavia grinned, "So come on, tell me"  
Lexa recounted her disastrous interaction with Clarke  
"So let me get this straight, you're trying to befriend someone you've openly hated-"  
"I didn't hate her"  
"Strongly disliked, since the start of the year"  
"Yes?"  
"You're letting go of your grudges, this must be how a proud parent feels" Octavia placed a hand on her heart, "But seriously? I'm not surprised it went badly. It doesn't sound like you did an amazing job of trying to seem friendly"  
"Yeah, well, we all have our talents, Octavia"  
"Look, you have good intentions, even a stone cold bitch like me can respect that" Octavia sighed, "Maybe I can conduct some kind of scheme with Raven"  
Lexa laughed. The idea of Octavia working with Raven was just a little ridiculous. Octavia wasn't holding a grudge against the girl, but she'd been holding her at a distance ever since Raven replaced her in the starting line-up. Not that Raven was deterred by this in her interactions  
"Sure you will"  
"In the name of the greater good, the fiercest of enemies shall join hands"  
"That already sounds like something Raven would say and I am severely uncomfortable" Lexa said, "Also, aren't me and Clarke like, the greatest of enemies?"  
"Shut up and let me have my saying" Octavia grumbled. Lexa sighed and let it rest. She already felt like this was more exhausting than it was worth doing.

*

_8tavia: hey_

**rvnrys: suppp**

_8tavia: listen we gotta make a plan lexa's finally gotten over her stupid grudge but apparently clarke isn't having it_

_8tavia: does she actually hate her or is it just payback_

**rvnrys: well shes drawing her so I dont think its hopeless**

_8tavia: im sorry WHAT_

**rvnrys: i shouldnt have said that tell no one or clarke is 10000% gonna kill me**

**rvnrys: but yeah she is, apparently her hair makes good practice. whats the plan???**

_8tavia: we organise a group hangout but don't tell them the group is only the four of us. then make them hangout until they become friends. or at least until they don't wanna murder eachother either will do_

**rvnrys: so like were setting them up, sort of**

_8tavia: yeah basically_

_8tavia: god I wish we could stay and watch them struggle to socialise that would be some comedy gold_

**rvnrys: hell yeah it would**

**rvnrys: dont fancy getting murdered by the both of them tho do u**

_8tavia: at least they'd be united_

_8tavia: but no that is a fair point_

**rvnrys: gotta stay alive so you can get your starter spot back :P**

_8tavia: don't. go there_

_8tavia: seriously_

**rvnrys: it's chill dude i know you're upset about it but you'll get it back in no time. youre a senior player and you deserve it**

_8tavia: oh_

_8tavia: okay then_

_8tavia: god solving grudges is so easy what the hell are these two playing at_

**rvnrys: were just better at life than them**

_8tavia: so fuckin true_

**rvnrys: or a better match. one of the two. catch ya later O, let me know how were making these two idiots be friends**

_8tavia: will do_

*

"It's just a team hangout. I'm not entirely clear on who's going yet besides me and Octavia. It'll be chill"

The words still rang in Clarke's head as she walked into the mall to see Raven, Octavia, and a confused looking Lexa. She was never trusting Raven again, ever. This was clearly her idea of a fun prank because she just knew what Raven was going to do next if the look on her face was anything to go by: make an excuse to go off with Octavia and leave her to struggle in silence with Lexa as a conversation partner, while the two of them no doubt watched in fits of laughter from round the corner.  
"Hey Raven" Clarke said evenly, "Is this everyone who could come?"  
"Yup" Raven said, holding Clarke's stare.  
"How are you?" Octavia asked Clarke  
"Little sleepy, could have done with a longer lie in, otherwise good I guess. You?"  
"Ignoring my mountain of homework that's back at home" Octavia shrugged, "Don't worry, I am gonna do it" she added when Lexa shot her a concerned look  
"You seem a bit nervy Lexa" Raven chimed in  
"I'm fine, I guess maybe I underslept a bit too" Lexa replied quickly. Like Clarke, she had a pretty good idea of what her friends were planning to do, although in her case it was because Octavia kind of told her. It felt a bit unfair that she'd had advanced warning, but given her alarming lack of social skills, Lexa was happy to take it.

"My birthday was actually two months ago" Lexa offered. Her and Clarke were walking along in silence, Octavia and Raven having gone to "buy Lexa a secret birthday present".  
"And you let them go?" Clarke asked, toning down her incredulity in an attempt to seem uninteresting  
"They clearly want some time together, who am I to deny them that?"  
"Then they shouldn't have invited us at all" Clarke grumbled. Lexa didn't know what to say; she made a valid point. She struggled at words in her mind, trying to find some topic of conversation to latch onto in this sea of awkward, tense, silence.  
"Is there anywhere you particularly want to go?" Lexa asked  
"Nowhere in particular" Clarke responded immediately. Lexa wondered why she didn't just make some excuse for them to split up and go their own ways. She supposed Clarke didn't want to give their friends the satisfaction.  
"Why, do you want to go anywhere?" Clarke added. Lexa was surprised that she'd actually chosen to say more than she needed to. She didn't really have any shopping needs, but this awkward, aimless wander through the centre of the mall was doing her head in  
"Uh, yeah, there" Lexa nodded at the first interesting shop she could see. It sold video games, CDs, DVDs, "If that's okay with you"  
"Sure" Clarke said flatly

Clarke hadn't expected to spend her afternoon watching Lexa trying to pick which nature documentary to buy.  
"Can you hurry up?" She asked, though she wasn't as bored as she was pretending to be. Lexa didn't seem to have the energy to bitch at her today, and the fact that she was such a nature nerd was somewhat piquing Clarke's interest.  
"Sorry, feel free to go off somewhere else. I just can't pick which one to get"  
"Get both then"  
"But I don't want to spend that much money" Lexa sighed, "I need to buy my brother a birthday present next week"  
"You have a brother?" Clarke asked before she could help herself. Trying to keep Lexa at arm's distance was becoming tiring.  
"Yeah, Aden. He's eleven" Lexa's face relaxed into a warm smile as she talked about him, though she was still looking st the two DVDs  
"What are you gonna get him?"  
"Something Star Wars related probably, he's really into it" She laughed, "Which is why I need to pick between the two of these"  
"Talk me through it" Clarke sighed. She still worried that if she acted friendly Lexa would just mow her down, but her attempts at seeming stand-offish were quickly waning in intensity. It was hard to be angry at someone who was smiling about her younger brother's Star Wars obsession and nerding out over documentaries  
"Well, I've never seen this one before, and it looks good" Lexa held up a DVD that was about the rainforest "But this one" She held up a marine wildlife documentary in her other hand "Has squids in"  
"Squids all the way" Clarke said. At least if Lexa threw this back in her face, she could tell everyone about her nerdy squid obsession as payback.  
"Hell yeah, I love squids" Lexa said with the genuine fascination you might expect of a small child seeing one for the first time  
"I know a handsome one I could set you up with" Clarke deadpanned. To her immense surprise, Lexa began to laugh. Genuinely laugh.  
"You found that funny?" Clarke stared in disbelief, "Nobody likes my shitty jokes"  
"Nobody likes mine either" Lexa shrugged, still smiling. The moment deteriorated back into awkward silence as Lexa went to buy the DVD. Clarke followed her without saying anything. Was Lexa just messing with her now? She held a mean grudge, but she seemed pretty straightforward and honest with her dislikes. Clarke was willing to expect incredibly little of her, but Lexa didn't seem the type to act friendly to her face only to bitch about her later...

In a matter of seconds as she watched Lexa put her wallet away, she realised she'd been a massive idiot.

"God I'm so sorry" Clarke blurted out as they left the shop  
"What?" Lexa turned around in surprise, narrowly avoiding walking into a disgruntled looking woman who was holding far too many shopping bags  
"When you came over to talk to me the other day, you were actually trying to be friendly weren't you?" Clarke preemptively winced  
"Yeah, I was" Lexa's face was showing embarrassed realisation and she didn't seem to know where to look, "Oh god you thought I was messing with you"  
"Yeah I kind of did" Clarke admitted, "I mean you can't blame me, considering how you acted towards me before"  
"I... yeah, I was a jerk, and over something really stupid too. Sorry." Lexa looked at the ground, "Truce?" Why was she holding out her hand? Nobody did that any more. Actually it had probably never even been a thing people did. What the hell was she doing? Yet, Clarke took her hand with a quizzical look on her face, as though not entirely sure that Lexa wasn't mocking her again  
"Truce. With one condition"  
"Oh?"  
"Can we pretend to hate each other for like a tiny bit longer just to annoy Raven and Octavia?"  
"How long is a tiny bit?"  
"Only a few days" Clarke shrugged, "Imagine how smug they'll be if their plan's worked and we come back being all best friends"  
Lexa considered this point  
"Deal" she said, and Clarke finally let go of her hand. She chose to ignore the way her stomach seemed to shiver slightly.

Lexa let Clarke choose the next shop; it was only fair. The two of them ended up browsing art supplies. Clarke didn't end up buying anything, citing that she had enough stuff and it wasn't worth the money to buy more right now. Lexa knew next to nothing about art, but she was too wary of disturbing the newfound peace to ask the myriad of questions she wanted to, about the different kinds of brushes, what Clarke preferred to use to create her works, what Clarke liked to draw, which paint she thought was best... they'd all suddenly appeared in Lexa's head without any prompt or warning or real reason as to why she was so interested. She supposed it was yet another miracle of peace that she now suddenly found her head full of conversation topics, even if she didn't use any of them.

They ran into Octavia and Raven at Starbucks. To be precise, Clarke and Lexa saw them and made an executive decision to reunite the group. Octavia and Raven were so engaged in their conversation that Octavia's coffee was almost full, but definitely no longer steaming. They also entirely failed to notice Clarke and Lexa until the two had ordered their own drinks (a cappuccino and a green tea respectively), fixed their faces with highly convincing glowers and made their way over. Lexa cleared her throat loudly. Twice.  
"Oh, hi" Raven grinned, "Fun afternoon?"  
"That's one word for it" Clarke muttered, in a perfect imitation of her tone when she'd arrived at the mall. Lexa glanced up towards the ceiling, doing her best look of boredom. She knew if she looked at Clarke she'd just burst out laughing. Octavia shot Raven a look and for a split second Lexa wondered if it was blindingly obvious that they were now only pretending to hate eachother. But then Octavia muttered  
"God fucking damn it" under her breath and Lexa had to make sure she didn't smile. Okay, Clarke had been right: this was way more entertaining than the smug cat-like smiles that would otherwise have ensued.  
"Well, we uh, got you a present Lexa" Raven said, and to Lexa's surprise Raven actually did pull a bag out from under the table. Inside was a black beanie, emblazoned with white embroidered letters that read "#1 Grump". Clarke smirked, while Lexa rolled her eyes.  
"Thanks guys, I really appreciate how much you cherish my presence in your lives"  
"No problem" Octavia replied  
"It can't have taken you that long to buy me a present though"  
"Well after that we came here and just took a break. Quite a long break"  
"I can tell, your coffee's cold" Lexa said with a hint of amusement. Octavia looked down at her mug and scowled mildly- she had completely forgotten about it.  
"What about you guys?" Raven asked  
"Well," Clarke began, "First we had to go to this DVD shop so Lexa could buy a squid documentary or something like that"  
Lexa began to catch on  
"She dragged me round looking at art supplies for a ridiculous amount of time. And she didn't even buy anything!"  
"Sounds like a great time" Raven smiled, as though none of this had phased her, "Who's up for getting waffles?"  
"You just had a large frappucino" Octavia interjected  
"Yeah, and now I want waffles" Raven said. Octavia rolled her eyes but she was far from exasperated, Lexa could tell. Evidently Clarke could too, because she quirked an eyebrow but said nothing.

_lwoods: "a few days"_

**clarkegriff: it's entertaining you gotta admit**

_lwoods: we've been doing this for almost a week idk how much longer i can manage_

**clarkegriff: anya doesn't mind**

_lwoods: im inevitably going to laugh_

**clarkegriff: pssshht it'll be fine woods**

Anya had found out about their charade when she walked into the art room at lunch, looking for Clarke and found Lexa there with her  
"Oh thank god you guys are friends now Octavia and Raven have been driving me up the wall with their stupid plans to reconcile you"  
"Yeah, about that" Lexa said. Anya looked at her quizzically  
"We're pretending to still hate each other to prank them for a bit because we don't want to see their smugness" Clarke explained, "Please don't tell them"  
"Of course not," Anya laughed, "I approve honestly. Anyway Clarke, Indra wanted to talk to you about something after practice today and I thought I'd let you know now in case it screws with your journey home"  
"Cool, thanks for the heads up" Clarke said.

Her and Clarke had maybe gone a bit overboard on convincing the others they were still warring. Before, they'd always regarded each other with stony silence, not interacting at all. But they'd started sniping at each other, little sarcastic comments and looks. Lexa was finding it funnier by the day. Every time she missed a shot, there was the predictable droll "Moneyyyyy" from Clarke. When Clarke missed, Lexa would tonelessly say "Good shot, Griffin". Anya noticed the looks they would sometimes share after, but nobody else did. As far as the rest of the team was concerned, they were as close to being enemies as they were when Lexa first set foot in the gym, if not even closer.

Screw overboard, this was way out of hand.  
"Clarke it's been two weeks, I really think we should tell them. Hell, you're round at my house" Lexa gestured to her meticulously organised room, where the two of them were currently hanging out  
"I know" Clarke said, "I just... first it was a few days but that didn't feel long enough, then I started to get scared about them being mad and now I'm just avoiding it honestly"  
"Well we don't have to actually say anything, we can just stop doing all our hanging out in secret and actually act like we're friends instead of mock insulting each other. They'll figure it out"  
"But I think I'm mock insulting you _because_ you're my friend, there'd be no difference" She sighed. Lexa realised she was right.  
"Clarke Griffin, is that an excuse?" Lexa gave her a watered-down glare  
"Whatever" Clarke rolled her eyes, already grinning. Since becoming friends with Lexa, she'd found it hard to even pretend to be mad with her. She'd also found it increasingly harder to ignore the voice in her head telling her that Lexa was one of the most beautiful people she'd ever seen and, now they were no longer bitter rivals, she should really... maybe that's why she was afraid to give up the game. Because she knew Raven would bring it up again sooner or later, and she knew she wouldn't be able to deny it to her, which also meant she wouldn't be able to continue pretending to herself that it wasn't an issue either. Because even if it wasn't quite yet, Clarke had a feeling it would become one soon. She wasn't sure she was ready to deal with that.

Suddenly, a blonde boy burst into the room  
"Lex, can I have some chocolate?"  
"Sure thing, just not too much or mom and dad will be after me"  
"Thank you" he grinned, then left again  
"That's Aden?" Clarke asked  
"Yep"  
"I can't believe he actually asked instead of just taking the chocolate" Clarke paused, "No wait, he's related to you, I take it back"  
"Shut up" Lexa laughed  
"Also... he's pretty small. Considering he's your brother"  
"I know" Lexa said, "My whole family are pretty tall. I have an eight year old cousin who's basically bigger than him. He must be due a growth spurt soon though"  
"Is that what happened to you?"  
"No, I was always pretty tall. Once I hit middle school, I got _tall_ tall though"  
"Yeah I was kind of the same as a kid. I never really had a growth spurt though, I just kept growing and refused to stop"  
"That's very you"  
"I think I'm probably still going. You must be, right?"  
"I don't know. I doubt I'll get _that_ much taller, I haven't had any growing pains like I did when I shot up in sixth grade" Lexa shrugged  
"I never had any" Clarke smiled smugly, before receiving a light push accompanied by a  
"Damn you"

The game ended at three weeks and two days. It was Lexa who gave it away, as she had predicted she might. Honestly, she was surprised she'd kept it up as long as she did. Clarke wouldn't budge on the issue and Lexa wasn't about to piss her off again, so she really did try. But it was hard; Clarke was having way too much fun with this and it was starting to get ridiculous. She'd bump Lexa while walking past her in practice and in return Lexa would stand in Clarke's way as she tried to get her water, not moving until asked (or prompted by a greatly exaggerated huff). If Clarke ever bricked the ball and got it stuck, Lexa would throw her a mocking look as she went to poke it down. Clarke would take Lexa's rebound when they were just shooting around at the start and seemingly obliviously use it herself as Lexa stared her down. She could allow herself a small smirk here because it merely appeared as though she was enjoying Lexa's frustration. Then Lexa had to try not to laugh because Clarke's smile of wry amusement was infectious. She'd been cracking slowly under the pressure of trying her hardest not to show any sign of amusement, and one day it was just too much.

In some moment of great distraction and considerable tiredness, Lexa had attempted to sit down to remove her shoes at the end of practice and entirely missed the bench, falling straight onto the floor. How this happened she didn't know, and it had hurt, but as she made her way onto her intended seat, she heard Clarke mutter  
"Felt like understanding how us mere mortals feel, huh?"  
Maybe it was the inflection on "mere mortals", maybe it was the fact she hadn't been able to laugh at any of Clarke's terrible jokes for weeks, maybe it was the fact Clarke shot her a sneaky grin, or maybe she was just having one of those days (she'd let out a particularly loud snort in math after Clarke made a face at her for solving an equation too fast, and had to pass it off as a sneeze) but Lexa started laughing. Properly laughing. Which set Clarke off too and suddenly they were both in hysterics, clutching at each other, for entirely no reason whatsoever. Octavia looked from one to the other with confusion, while Raven sighed with realisation  
"Well played, you guys"  
"What?" Octavia asked sharply  
"How long have you been only pretending to hate each other?" Raven inquired  
"Since the mall" Clarke said, recovering from her laughing fit  
"Oh my god" Octavia rolled her eyes, "Really grown-up, you guys"  
"It was her idea" Lexa protested  
"You agreed" Clarke shot back  
"But I did say we should stop doing it like, two weeks ago"  
"And you, the most stubborn person I've ever met besides myself, let me have my way on it"  
"Well if you're the only person more stubborn than me then that makes sense" Lexa countered, smiling. Clarke paused and found she'd lost the argument  
"Fine, whatever"  
"I low-key hate you, but you definitely out-pranked us" Raven sighed  
"Blood must have blood" Lexa retorted  
"Nice one" Clarke added  
"Are you saying you want to start a prank war with us?" Octavia asked. Raven gave them a challenging look. Lexa was about to blindly agree, until she caught the look on Clarke's face that made it plain she found this to be a terrible idea  
"You know what, I rescind that statement. Blood must not have blood. We're even now anyway right?"  
"For now" Raven responded and Lexa suddenly understood why Clarke had decided to back down. Both Raven and Octavia were fully up for this and while Lexa could see Clarke putting up a good fight back, she herself was about as devious as a leaf of kale.

Clarke's suspicions about Raven's response had been right. As the two of them walked out of History the next day, Raven turned to her  
"So, you and Lexa are friends now"  
"Stellar observation"  
"Well, it means she's no longer _a raging bitch who hates your guts_ " Raven smiled slyly  
"Shut up" Clarke rolled her eyes  
"I knew your weird competitiveness with her had to come from somewhere. You two don't even play the same position and she was the one you cared most about out-performing"  
"She's the most talented player on the team, of course she's my rival" Clarke replied  
"Yeah, I'm not convinced Griffin, I see how you look at her sometimes"  
"How do I look at her?" Clarke asked, with some concern as she was genuinely not aware that she had been looking at Lexa in any particular way besides possibly slightly, admiring her, just a tiny bit.  
"Thirstily" Raven shrugged. Clarke elbowed her in the ribs and she laughed, "It isn't a lie"  
"Like you don't look at Octavia the same way" Clarke retorted, before immediately wondering where the hell that came from. Obviously Octavia and Raven were good friends, and they shared conspiratorial glances worryingly often, and Raven always seemed particularly excited to see her... okay, yeah.  
"Low blow"  
"But true"  
Raven seemed to have no response to this. She made a face at Clarke, then, seeing Lexa in the distance, made a very different face at her  
"Raven" Clarke warned  
"Relax, I know you'll get me back if I do anything. Anyway, I have business to attend to-"  
"Like hell you do"  
"Does she know you draw her yet? See ya later!" Raven called, already leaving.  
Clarke shook her head, her legs already taking her towards Lexa because god, she really was that predictable.

It was becoming a problem. Firstly, because Raven kept reminding her about it with a nudge in the ribs or a sly smile, which was definitely not helping the fact that Clarke was starting to get a huge crush on Lexa. She seemed to be all Clarke could draw and it was a good thing that Bellamy didn't know Lexa, or he would definitely have teased the shit out of her. It could only be a matter of time before Raven told Octavia and Octavia told him and he inevitably joined the dots, but in the mean time Clarke was safe to sketch and paint to her heart's content in art club. Not that Bellamy hadn't enquired about the mystery girl, but Clarke had lied and said it was from a photo on the internet and she was going to run with that lie for as long as possible. Bizarrely, she seemed to be getting more competitive with Lexa. In a friendly way- if Lexa was better than her in a drill, Clarke wouldn't get mad over it. She'd always worked her hardest at basketball anyway, but playing with Lexa took that into new territory. It could have just been because she was so talented and often great players elevate those around them, but no, that didn't feel like the whole explanation. When they were feuding, Clarke had naturally tried to outdo Lexa in everything but...

She was trying to impress her.

At least it was good for her game, though the fact Clarke was changing how she played at all because she liked someone felt like she was lowering herself anyway. Part of her hated having a crush. It made her feel stupid, like she was silly and immature. That'd be the part of her brain that was also arguing it was ridiculous to think _Lexa_ of all people would ever see her that way, so she shouldn't have let it get this far. But another part of her was almost happy about it. The question of how Lexa felt was of course a concern, but to be able to think about someone and see them in that positive light that almost definitely exaggerated their best parts and smoothed over the flaws was nice sometimes. If she was bored in class, well, she had something to think about. The amount she was drawing Lexa and only Lexa (aside from when she was doing landscapes and abstract) was frankly ridiculous and almost qualified the girl as her muse, but it was nice to have a go-to subject for those times when she wanted to draw without coming up with an idea. She could just let the lines flow onto the page and try to recreate Lexa's beautiful likeness on the paper, before inevitably starting to frown about how stupid this was again.

For Lexa, it was a blip. She was strong on the court, efficient in classes and work, and while she was pretty socially awkward, most people who didn't know her interpreted this as a cool standoffishness. She was one of those people who was untouchable to all but a few, and although she knew this was far from the truth about herself- the girl who cries at anything and everything, has an obsession with squids, and can barely start a conversation- some little idea of this persona snuck into her mind. Just like Clarke had snuck up on her. First she'd been bitter, then affronted (looking back, she couldn't for the life of her figure out how she'd misinterpreted Clarke's friendly smile as a sneering smirk), then tired of it all, then finally relieved that Clarke no longer hated her. And it was fine. Completely and utterly fine. Apart from the prank. The prank was what had done her in, Lexa knew it. At what point the feeling she got when her and Clarke exchanged secretive, amused glances became more than just conspiratorial glee, Lexa wasn't sure. She couldn't pin-point an exact time, just that on the last day before she'd blown the whole thing, Clarke had shot her a cheeky grin and the effect had been pretty noticeable. Then everything came not so much sliding as crashing into place like a pile of boulders. The way they'd been teasing each other, mock sniping at every opportunity. Remove the lens of "enemies" and it looked like flirting to Lexa.

Not that she'd know. Her social prowess was limited to none, and she had been on a total of one singular date. In her last semester of middle school, Costia had nervously asked her if maybe she'd like to go for coffee and Lexa, if her memory served, had responded with something that wasn't a word so much as a vocalisation. A noise of panic. She'd been so embarrassed that she avoided the girl for three days. Eventually, she messaged her to explain that yes, she would love to and so that was that. It was an awkwardly cute experience. Costia was the cause of Lexa's first real butterflies, but unfortunately Lexa was staying in the area to go to Polis High while Costia was moving across state. That, coupled with Lexa's complete ineptitude at pretty much everything in that area (and the fact they were in eighth grade) had cut whatever might have come from that short. Despite that, it was still a fond memory for Lexa to look back on and use to assure herself she wasn't totally uncool, given that she'd been on an actual date. Even if she had never kissed anyone yet. Which was really normal, she knew, she was barely fifteen and plenty of people didn't have first kisses until college, but it was still not a piece of information she wanted to go around sharing. If she was allowed a choice in that, which she apparently wasn't.

Octavia and Raven had latched on to Anya's forced implementation of circle time and it had become a sort of ironic tradition. Not that it was exactly circle time any more, because Raven had proposed a game of truth or dare that nobody said no to. Clarke had just attempted a minute long headstand and failed spectacularly, to some consternation from Anya as she muttered something about "injury risking fools", and it fell to Lexa to make the next pick.  
"Uh, truth?" She said tentatively, not feeling particularly daring. Octavia made a thinking noise, while a few others also appeared to be coming up with ideas. Eventually though, it was Raven who asked the question  
"Who was your first kiss?"  
Lexa groaned  
"Can I have a different question? Please?"  
"Sounds like there's a story here" Octavia grinned and Lexa could have kicked herself for making this even worse.  
"There really isn't, I'll take a dare even"  
"Tell us Lex" Anya insisted. Lexa sighed. If Anya was insisting there was really no getting out of it.  
"There is literally not a story, that's the thing. I haven't had a first kiss"  
"Really?" Raven sounded incredibly surprised  
"Yup"  
"Not even like when you kiss someone when you're six or something and it doesn't really count?"  
"Nope"  
"Damn Woods" Octavia whistled, "Gotta set you up with someone"  
"It's fine, really" Lexa said hurriedly, determinedly not looking at Clarke. If she did, her brain would not do good things. Lexa quite fancied retaining as much of her dignity and composure that hadn't already been lost.

*

Why was it always her who walked in on people crying in the locker rooms?

Really, it should be someone like Raven, who Lexa found to be generally good at listening to people's problems and responding with the perfect levels of humour and concern to raise their mood without seeming insensitive. Or Anya, the captain. Hell, even Octavia would probably be better than her, if only because Octavia was unafraid to be brutally honest, and that could turn out to be exactly what was needed in some situations. But no, it was her, Lexa, who apparently needed to encounter multiple different people crying in the locker room in her lifetime, in this single year. She should probably stop forgetting her foam roller. She'd managed to leave it in there after the last match and only realised several days later, the day before practice. Why was anyone else even here today? It wasn't Octavia this time though. In some kind of vaguely fitting twist, the person she'd least wanted to deal with last time was now the person she possibly felt she could best deal with now, was the person who was stood with her forehead pressed to the metal doors of the lockers, gritting her teeth, scrunched up eyes just visible through a curtain of blonde hair.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked tentatively. Octavia had been angry crying, which was terrifying, but not as terrifying as the prospect of dealing with someone who was crying not with rage but with... Lexa wasn't sure what it was. Resentment, fear maybe, it was hard to tell. Clarke didn't seem to be capable of responding in her current state. Unlike with Octavia, Lexa immediately went over to Clarke and put an arm around her. Clarke was considerably less scary than Octavia (most of the time) and a lot less likely to deck her for trying to show some form of physical affection. Lexa waited, unsure where this was going to lead. Clarke had definitely been a bit off recently. Her playing had been pretty much the same, but something about her face was different, even if her mood was seemingly the same. She kept waiting, not knowing how long it had been, until some of the tension in Clarke's body seemed to give.  
"Clarke" Lexa said again, not really sure if anything needed tacking on the end. She would tell her in her own time, if she wanted to. All Lexa could do was be there and listen to as much or as little as Clarke was willing to say. Clarke didn't say anything in reply, but sort of grunted to let Lexa know she wanted her there. Lexa squeezed Clarke's shoulder  
"Do you wanna sit down?"  
Another affirmative noise. Clarke sat down on the bench and Lexa sat beside her, once again putting her arm around Clarke. Once again prepared to wait until Clarke was ready to talk.

The silence passed with some occasional sniffles. Lexa hadn't any plans to be home late today and she really hoped Aden wouldn't worry where she was. This was too important for her to get her phone out and quickly fire off a text. Nothing mattered except being there for Clarke. Clarke needed her, for whatever reason it turned out to be. Lexa still felt entirely out of her depth and strongly reckoned she always would when confronted with a situation like this, no matter how many more times she'd end up doing it in her life. She was just so scared of doing the wrong thing. Being around someone at their most vulnerable was a lot of responsibility. Lexa didn't want Clarke to feel worse. She somehow felt like she knew Clarke just needed to be listened to, to be allowed to talk at her own pace.

Eventually, she spoke  
"So, you know my dad stopped playing when he was young?"  
"Because of an injury, right?"  
"Torn ACL yeah, it came at a really bad time and he couldn't get back to the level he was at"  
"Jeez, that's bad"  
"Well, I'd been getting knee pain for a while now. Ignored it, mostly, put it down to grûowing or my body just being wack because honestly it's a mystery to me sometimes. But eventually mom told me I should really get it checked out seeing as, according to her, I complain so much, so I did" Clarke paused and took a deep breath "And I've got tendinitis"  
"Ah" Lexa didn't know what to say. It was pretty common for basketball players and certainly not the end of the world but she felt like she knew where this was headed  
"From looking at my knees they... well basically, my legs are built the same as my dad's were. I have a natural weakness and I have a higher risk of getting the same injury"  
"Oh Clarke" Lexa sighed  
"Shit luck isn't it?" Clarke choked out a laugh, "I haven't told Anya or Indra yet. I'll have to at some point"  
"Yeah. But you don't know you'll get injured" Lexa said, suddenly feeling like she knew what to say for once, "And you know about it now, you can get a good strength and conditioning plan, keep your risk as low as possible"  
"I know, I know, sometimes you just panic you know? I just don't know what I'd do if I couldn't play"  
"Neither" Lexa replied. She didn't even want to think about that possibility. For either of them.  
"He wanted it so badly. I mean, he wasn't the best, but he probably could have made it as a pro somewhere" Clarke said, "It really destroyed him. And I know it would do the same to me"  
"But it won't" Lexa reassured. Clarke was almost starting to cry again.  
"You don't know that"  
"Well, yeah, but... you don't know that it will either" Lexa felt she finished lamely. There was a pause; Clarke took a deep breath  
"I appreciate it Lexa" she smiled, wiping a few tears off her cheeks, "Really. I won't lie and say I'm not still scared or angry, but thank you. I needed someone to listen and say rational things"  
"Happy to do either whenever you need it" Lexa replied and Clarke laughed a little  
"Thanks, but I think what I need right now is a distraction and some food. You wanna go get something?"  
"Sure" Lexa agreed, taken by surprise.

They ended up in Starbucks again, without Raven and Octavia this time. In fact, for a late afternoon or early evening on a weekday, Lexa thought the place was oddly quiet- something Clarke was probably thankful for. She'd splashed her face with cold water before they'd left school, but her eyes were still a little red and puffy as they went to order. Clarke went for a flat white, while Lexa (boringly, she noted to herself) ordered her usual.  
"Do you always drink green tea?"  
"It's my secret"  
"Secret to what?" Clarke asked  
"Everything" Lexa replied, not having actually thought of a decent joke. Clarke found it funny though, and it was good to see her properly smile as she laughed. Her hands were maybe a little tighter around her mug than usual, but she seemed to be a lot calmer than before, even if she was still very much not okay. She picked up her triple chocolate brownie and took a hamster-like nibble at one corner before demolishing half of it in one go  
"Good?" Lexa asked  
"Great, chocolate is just what I needed" Clarke replied. Lexa wasn't hungry, but the brownie really did look good  
"I can tell" Lexa remarked and Clarke rolled her eyes before eating the other half of the brownie. It shouldn't have been cute to see her wolf it down like that, or to roll her eyes to the ceiling in response to Lexa's teasing. Lexa was having a lot of trouble not finding Clarke Griffin cute these days. Anya would be delighted with the progress she'd made since the start of the year, if she knew. It also really didn't help that they were in a coffee shop, admittedly just a chain, but still the same type of place she'd had her first and only ever date. Her brain couldn't resist playing out the scenario with her and Clarke- not that it was enormously different to their current situation. The main difference would be when Lexa paid for everything despite Clarke's protests (she could pay next time), and Clarke would take her hand as they left the shop and then...

She needed to stop. She _had_ paid for everything, since they'd ordered together and only realised neither of them had anything close to the correct change when it was too late. Lexa wasn't going to let Clarke pay _today_ , as she had used to argue at the time. That, and the pressure of the small but existent queue behind them had worked in Lexa's favour: Clarke had pouted, but relented nonetheless, ignoring Lexa's insistences that she didn't have to pay her back as they walked to a table. But it was absolutely not the time to think about that. Whatever Clarke thought of her, she had more important things to worry about right now (although Lexa was really hoping she wouldn't worry too much, because that would only make things worse).  
"Oh god do I really look that bad?" Clarke winced as she caught her reflection in the window  
"You look fine" Lexa reassured her  
"My eyes are so puffy and gross" Clarke squinted at the glass  
"Your eyes look beautiful" Lexa replied without thinking. Her cheeks started to turn faintly pink as she realised what she had said, but Clarke didn't seem to mind. She rolled her eyes and said  
"Whatever" with a small grin. Clarke' eyes were always beautiful in Lexa's opinion. They always had this expression like Clarke was about to challenge someone to something- in fact today was the first time Lexa had seen them empty of that confident sparkle. Even without it, she still liked them. But it was that little glint, along with the smile (not cocky or a smirk, just a grin of sheer enjoyment at the challenge) that could instantly conjure butterflies in Lexa's stomach, even if she recognised it for what it was at first.  
"Are you okay?" Clarke asked. Lexa realised she hadn't said anything for a while and immediately floundered  
"I should be asking you that, I think"  
"Just because I'm a bit shaken doesn't mean you can't have problems too. Go on, speak up" Clark grinned  
"Really, I'm fine" Lexa smiled, "Just, spacing out, I guess"  
"You do that a lot" Clarke remarked, "It's okay, I do it too. Usually when I get an idea of what I want to paint next"  
"What do you paint?"  
"Abstract or nature, usually. I'm not a still life kind of person exactly. Even if I was drawing from a model, I wouldn't be trying to paint exactly what was in front of me"  
"I sort of understand but I'm still kind of confused" Lexa admitted  
"It's to do with the feelings, the atmosphere. They turn up as colours and visible features when I paint" Clarke shrugged "It's just how I like to do things"  
"That's fair enough. So when you're drawing in math, you're sketching all the boredom in the room?"  
"You don't get bored in math because you're a nerd" Clarke retorted  
"Actually I do"  
"Yeah right. And no, when I draw I just sort of doodle stuff that's around me, or in my head. It's not the same"  
"I'm beginning to realise I know pretty much nothing about art" Lexa laughed  
"You had to have some kind of weakness" Clarke said triumphantly  
"Weakness? I don't know what that word means" Lexa said tonelessly, and Clarke cracked up laughing. If only she knew how appropriate her mirth was.

"You need to sort this whole thing out" Raven said  
"What thing?" Clarke asked  
"Your whole thing with Lexa" Raven sighed "It's tragic, Clarke, it really is"  
"How is it tragic? Are people not allowed to like each other now?"  
"You two are just so... Griffin, just girl the hell up and tell her. Please. It's painful watching you two interact sometimes. How two people can be so entirely oblivious..."  
"I'd call it being a realist, Raven" Clarke scoffed, "She might be my friend but I really doubt it's anything more than that"  
"And so does she, that's the whole point" Raven explained exasperatedly  
"Has Octavia been telling you things?" Clarke asked quickly  
"No, but I'm noting how much you wanted to know that. Just, for future teasing. But she's almost as clueless as you two so no, she's said nothing"  
"How are we clueless?"  
"You flirt with each other all the time, like actually 24/7, and yet somehow you're convinced she doesn't see you that way"  
"I still don't understand why you're so convinced she does" Clarke retorted  
"It's so _obvious_!"  
"As you've been saying again and again without any real explanation"  
"Whatever just, tell her, please? End everyone's suffering. Save us all"  
"How are you and Octavia?"  
"None of your business" Raven replied smoothly  
"So I take it you still haven't asked her out" Clarke smiled smugly  
"It's got to be the right time. At least we're making progress unlike you two dorks"  
"I'm not a dork!"  
"And Lexa?"  
"Okay, yeah" Clarke admitted with a small smile. Lexa was a huge dork, and frankly it was great. Raven made a few short vomiting noises  
"Like I said, tragic"  
"I still remember what you told me about that dream-" Clarke began, but Raven slapped a hand over her mouth  
"We do not discuss that in public places"  
"Fine" Clarke rolled her eyes as Raven finally moved her hand.

*

It was tragic. She was tragic. Lexa knew this and it was some small miracle that Octavia hadn't noticed she was slowly drowning in her own gayness. Because she was, which was probably why she kept accidentally hitting on Clarke. No, accidentally was the wrong word. She wanted to hit on Clarke, but she did not in a million years have the courage to do it. Yet little complements and quips kept slipping out here and there, spoken before she had time to think about it. The other day she could have sworn she saw a sketch of herself on the corner of Clarke's homework and she wasn't going to say anything in case she was wrong, but before she even knew it she'd said  
"Cool drawing" and Clarke had started, but then shrugged and thanked her, as though it were nothing. It was probably nothing. She was reading way too much into everything, because she always did this, she knew it. Even if she had been right that one time with Costia, that was just a lucky fluke. And Clarke was different. It was lucky enough that they'd managed to become friends through all of the misunderstandings that seemed so silly now. Lexa felt comfortable with Clarke and the girl was probably one of her closest friends. Whatever was coming out of this mess, Lexa wasn't losing that part of her life. She wasn't going to screw this up any more than she already had.

She'd hung out with Clarke before. She'd literally gone shopping, the very thing they were doing this weekend (Clarke didn't feel like being home by herself while her mum was out), with Clarke before. Her and Clarke were friends. Really good friends. This was the kind of stuff friends did. Lexa really didn't need to freak out this much. Except, they were going clothes shopping (notoriously hated by Lexa. And yet she'd said yes at the drop of a hat when Clarke had suggested it). And Anya had decided to ask what they were up to at the weekend. Anya, who had known Lexa for three years and was very familiar with her vehement dislike for clothes shopping.  
"We thought we'd go buy some new clothes for the summer, grab some food, you know" Clarke shrugged, rummaging around in her bag for some half-completed maths homework that desperately needed finishing  
"You guys must be _really_ good friends, I can only drag Lexa clothes shopping about once a year" Anya rolled her eyes, "You're gonna have to teach me your ways"  
"You hate clothes shopping?"  
Clarke turned to Lexa incredulously  
"Hate is a strong word" Lexa replied  
"Yeah, and you've got a strong aversion. I guess that means our yearly trip is off then, this will fill her quota" Anya sighed  
"Why did you agree?" Clarke asked, "We can do something else"  
"It's fine, really" Lexa insisted, panicking in between Clarke's confusion and Anya's intrigue, "I need to get summer stuff, I think I've grown again" This was a lie. Well, not entirely, she _had_ grown, but not enough to merit a new wardrobe  
"I knew it, you're never going to stop I swear" Anya sighed, "And Clarke please get that work done, I would be thrilled if you _didn't_ miss practice due to detention"  
"One time, Anya, one time!"  
"I know, and it had better stay that way" Anya sounded stern as she left, but there was a hint of playfulness that Lexa knew and Clarke was learning to recognise.  
"Really, we can do something else" she said again after Anya had left  
"It's fine" Lexa insisted. She'd dug this hole for herself and there was really nothing else she could do now. If she asked to do something different, it would be the most obvious thing she could do besides falling over her own feet staring at Clarke (knowing her, not that unlikely a scenario). Besides, some part of her did actually want to go clothes shopping with Clarke because... well, Clarke wanted to do it and somehow Lexa doubted clothes shopping with Clarke would be the boring, dragged out torture she'd come to associate with that phrase (seriously, how long did it take to decide on whether or not you want to buy something?)

  
"So, today wasn't so bad was it?" Clarke asked. They were walking back to Lexa's; Clarke would much rather stay with her than be home by herself.  
"I guess not" Lexa admitted, taking a sip of her milkshake  
"Seems like clothes shopping maybe is your thing" Clarke teased  
"Well, if I'm in good company then I _guess_ it's okay"  
Clarke laughed victoriously. Lexa tried to ignore how much that laugh made her heart feel like it was going to bounce right out of her chest and took another sip of her milkshake to stop herself smiling too much.  
"Glad I qualify as good company" Clarke grinned  
"Of course you do" Lexa replied much too quickly. She mentally kicked herself for it.  
"I'm honoured" Lexa laughed a little too enthusiastically, but at this point her number of mistakes around Clarke tallied in the thousands and it was almost not worth worrying over. She'd barely put up any resistance when Clarke had suggested shopping, and if Anya hadn't openly expressed surprise at this outing, Clarke probably never would have known that Lexa mostly wasn't a great fan of going clothes shopping. Actually, she had genuinely enjoyed that element of it. Clarke knew where to shop and Lexa had picked out a few good items for herself that she was quite pleased with. But of course she'd enjoyed the day- how could she not enjoy spending a day with Clarke who, aside from her own feelings, was genuinely a good friend and someone Lexa had fun with. She felt comfortable in Clarke's presence, besides the butterflies every time Clarke laughed, or smiled, or pretty much did anything. Even with those jitters, Clarke was still the easiest person to be around that Lexa had ever come across. Which was all the more reason why Clarke couldn't know. Lexa really did not want to lose this friendship. She'd rather have Clarke as a friend than risk it for more, with the chance of losing her. She didn't know it, but Clarke's thoughts were going down the same exact tracks. Debating whether to tell her, be a bit more blatant, only to shoot it down because Clarke didn't want to lose Lexa's friendship. It was kind of a miracle she had it at all, given their disastrous start. She could live with secretly sketching Lexa when she felt like it until this crush ended. Which, didn't seem likely at this point, but it had to end. All of her past crushes had. This was no different. It was just another story to tell. Maybe they'd laugh about it in a few years. After all, they were only in high school. Nothing serious.

Keep telling yourself that, Clarke thought.

"Have you ever wished you could just know what someone was thinking?" Clarke said, knowing this was a terrible idea. This was the first item of the list entitled "Things Not To Say To Your Crush" and it was highlighted in pink and underlined five times.  
"Uh... kind of?" Lexa responded, adequately bemused for someone who had just been asked such a question out of the blue  
"Well, you know, you like someone and you just have no clue how they feel about you. It'd be easier if you could just know"  
Something flickered over Lexa's face but it was too fast for Clarke to read before she had started to laugh a little  
"Tell me about it" she muttered, staring at the ground. She went to take a sip of her milkshake, but it was all gone. She looked... it was hard to tell when Clarke could only see her profile and Lexa was looking away, but she looked sad. Clarke waited, but Lexa didn't say anything and didn't look up  
"Hey, what's up?" Clarke asked, internally steeling herself because this was going to hurt, but her own feelings didn't matter  
"You know you can tell me about it"  
"It's nothing. We've all got crush problems, right?"  
"Yeah" Clarke agreed with a rueful smile. Lexa had perked up, but evidently through effort. And something still didn't quite fit, Clarke was sure. Slowly, the pieces started to come together in her mind. She was almost pulling them apart again with how much she didn't dare to believe it, but-

"Oh my god"  
"Is it Raven?"

Both of them stared at the other in total confusion  
"What?" Clarke asked  
" _Oh my god_ what?" Lexa responded  
"I... I have been an enormous stupid idiot" Clarke announced  
"You have?"  
"And so have you. Sorry, but you have"  
"I don't-"  
"Okay, so I could be hideously wrong" Clarke took a pause and in that time, Lexa realised she'd stopped walking and hastily took a few steps back towards her, "And this could be a horrible mistake but god knows I've made enough of those already so what's one more, right?" She was speaking more to herself in a kind of nervous stream of slight laughter  
"Uh, sure" Lexa was very confused. What the hell was Clarke on about?  
"Sure, yeah" Clarke smiled, "Here's the thing: I want to know what you're thinking"  
"I... what?"  
"Sorry, that was a terrible way of saying it. I'm not good at this. You're the person I like and I have no clue how you feel, except I maybe do which is why I'm telling you, but I could be so wrong. I'm probably wrong" Clarke shook her head and finally looked at Lexa, waiting for her to say something  
"Holy shit"  
"Holy shit?"  
"That would about sum it up" Lexa didn't know what to do. With her words or her thoughts or her body. Clarke liked her. In that way. Clarke _liked_ her.  
"Could you, elaborate?" Clarke asked tentatively, "Look, if you don't feel the same way just be blunt, okay? It's easier for everyone if you don't-"  
"I do feel the same way" Lexa interrupted. She wasn't sure how she'd interrupted because her voice had gone even quieter than usual and she wouldn't have been surprised if Clarke had managed to talk over her. Clarke stared at her, then started to laugh  
"I think I understand the _holy shit_ feeling"  
Suddenly Lexa was laughing too, and they were both laughing and grinning and staring at each other, and it didn't even occur to Lexa how stupid the two of them must look. Not even after she'd stopped laughing, because now she was staring at Clarke and Clarke was staring at her and she didn't know what to do again  
"So what exactly are we going to do about this?" Lexa asked eventually  
"I... well I mean I liked our friendship I don't want that to change" Clarke said, and Lexa nodded in agreement, "But maybe we could try also dating?"  
"I'm not sure I know how to do that" Lexa said  
"Well, you can find out then" Clarke smiled  
"Yeah, I guess" Lexa smiled back. She was ready to leave it there, except something was niggling in the back of her mind and she had to get it out, "But what if... what if this goes wrong? With the team and stuff, what if we totally mess up the team chemistry?"  
"We hated each other at the start of the year, do you really think we can make it worse than then?" Clarke asked with a hint of a laugh  
"Fair point" Lexa conceded with her own chuckle, "So, if we're dating does that mean I can call you my girlfriend?"  
"Fast-mover" Clarke raised an eyebrow then laughed at the look on Lexa's face and started to walk again "Of course you can, you idiot"

A few paces later, Clarke added  
"You can even hold my hand, if you want"


End file.
